


Fun is Illogical: Please Don’t Make Me Get On That Teacup Ride

by Socrates3000



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-27
Updated: 2011-07-27
Packaged: 2017-10-21 20:03:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/229205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Socrates3000/pseuds/Socrates3000
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The crew of the USS Enterprise need a good vacation, so Kirk decides to take his good buddies to a Starfleet sponsored Carnival planet.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fun is Illogical: Please Don’t Make Me Get On That Teacup Ride

“It’s fun! Come on. You’ll like it once you loosen up a little bit.” The Captain danced about a bit, and tugged on his friends sleeve. “I told you we were so busy doing all our daring space stuff that we needed to take a break. This is a Starfleet Sanctioned Vacation World, and I thought we could use a little carnival action. Everyone loves the Carnival!”

The vulcan looked at his Captain for a moment. He pondered many different non-lethal ways of taking down his good friend so he could make an easy escape and spend the rest of this “vacation” sitting in his room reading the latest Starfleet Science Primers. Really, anything was a better use of his time than wandering this gaudy carnival strip full of futile human lives hawking unwinnable games and illogical unhealthy food choices. Really, there was a stand called Unidentified Frying Objects, this whole environment was designed to appeal to the basest instincts of the human mind. Spock was having none of this bullshit.

“Really Captain, surely there is a better use of our time. Remember how I suggested we could go on a Nature trail around the Deluthium Peaks of Ulrac 6? Surely, that would be a better use of our time.” He repeated that sentence again, wondering if he repeated it enough, it would sink into Kirk’s head that he really didn’t want to be there.

Kirk was either oblivious, or just ignoring Spock’s hissy fit. The Captain bounded about from booth to booth looking at the games and prizes and oohing at whatever shoddily built ride caught his eye. Spock tried sulking a little bit but his Vulcan sulk was brought to a quick end by a poke in the ribs and a whisper in his ear.

“Ach, Spock. Look, I don’t wanna be here either, but just try to enjoy yourself.” The (what the fuck is Scotty? I don’t know. Engineer or some shit) took a flask out of his regulation uniform and took a good long swig. ”Ahhh, see. I’m gonna have a ruddy good time anyway. Would you like -“

“GUYS LOOK AT THIS!” The Captain interrupted his crew and pointed at what must have been a relic from a world long lost. “This is ingenious. They are teacups, but, you sit in them and spin the thing and you spin around. Isn’t that fantastic? I must have ridden these all the time when I was a kid. Did you ever ride on something like this Spock?”

“Captain, when I was a child I never had time for such frivolous pursuits. When I was not improving myself through constant study I was studying some more because I actually care about my mind. I do not whip about my brain willy-nilly on some spinning death teacup. I try to preserve my brain, thank you very much.”

“You mean you’ve never been on one of these things?” Gasped Kirk. His mouth hung low with shock. His fragile little paradigm of shared cultural touchstones had just been shattered. “But you are half-human. You must have ridden on half of one or something?”

Don’t let him drag you down to his level Spock. You are an intellectual and you will not explain to this man exactly how offensive he is being and why. Focus on getting off this carny planet first. There is no sign of intelligent life here. Spock was busy formulating another path of debate when suddenly Kirk grabbed his arm and started yanking him towards the decrepit teacup ride. “Captain. I am not happy with the course of action you are taking. Please.

Stop.

No.

I will not participate in such absurd shenanigans such as riding around with you in a twirling teacup.”

“Well it won’t just be you. Scotty will be coming along too.” Scotty raised his flask, mouthed cheers, and took care of the credits that let them enter the ride.

“I insist Captain. I insist that you do not let me partake in this ride. It is illogical. It is idiotic. It is moronic.”

“IT’S STARTING” Shouted Kirk. He shoot Spock a look, “Remember guys this is gonna be fun. Here’s what you do. If you want to go faster, you spin this little wheel thing and you go around and around and around like this.” His muscled arms grabbed the wheel in the center of the teacup. Kirk spun the teacup with all of his might, whooping like a child. Really how one could enjoy that when you fly through motherfucking outer space is beyond me but he was having a really really good time. Scotty was enjoying it too. The three different mindbending drugs he had popped before getting on the teacup might have been having something to do with it though.

Spock however sat there. Hands crossed on his lap. Trying to sulk. The wind was whipping around his meticulously cultured hair. His bum slid back and forth as Kirk spun the wheel, but he got no pleasure from the random maneuvering of momentum. Well maybe a litt-NO. He felt NO FUN. He was not going to have a good time even though the jerks and spins were a bit entertai-NO I AM HAVING A BAD TIME I DIDN’T WANT TO BE HERE NO FUN AT ALL.

Dazed and a bit entertained, the three of them stumbled out of the ride and made their way through the midway. When all of the sudden, Kirk gasped and ran to a booth. “CHECK THIS OUT SPOCK. SERIOUSLY.”

“What is so important, Kirk?”

“Look! Look! Look at it! It’s so fluffy!” Kirk pointed in the general direction of a large furry ball that was hanging from a string at the booth where you have to throw those stupid little balls into the different holes and get tickets based on your score. You know, the ones where you get the same amount of tickets regardless of how well you seem to do. “I need this. I need this. Okay, we can spare a few tickets on this and then spend the rest on some chow. Sound good guys?”

~~~~~

A few hours later, Kirk finally gave up on the skeeball game and gave all his winnings to Scotty. “Okay Scotty. Give these tickets to that, uh, colorful character over there. That carny and tell him I want my tribble.” Scotty hobbled his way over and started giving the bloated carny man row after row of tickets.

“Captain there must be an easier way to get something fluffy.” remarked Spock.

“Give him more tickets!” Shouted Kirk, anxious to get his giant stuffed Tribble.

“I’m giving him all I’ve got Captain.” Scotty sighed and continued handing the tickets to the obese space-carny who was greedily yanking the worthless little tokens out of his hands. This was going to take forever because the Captain HAD to have the biggest prize and had to spend all the credits that they were going to use for unidentified frying objects. Dammit. Scotty craved greasy fried things. He NEEDED IT. He also needed another swig of whatever was in his flask, but he was busy with the carny at the moment. The string of tickets seemed never ending, but finally the grungy carny started slowing down.

“Thee thous an’ ‘ine. Thee thous an’ ‘en. Thee thous an’ ‘e’even. Naw mate you about ‘ir’e’ine tickets short.”

“Ah, just a second then.” His head was buzzing like a jacksaw. The carny’s words stretched into oblivion and then snapped back like a cosmic rubber band. For Scotty, time was moving at an intestinal pace. Someone messed wit me flashk. Scotty staggered back to Kirk and Spock and they had a bit of a meeting. “Look guysh, we have barely any credits left and we are some strange amount of ticketsh away from buyin’ that friggin’ Tribble that Kirk wantsh. Is there any other of those nice liddle trinketsh you want, Captain?”

“I don’t want any of the other prizes Scotty. I want that stuffed Tribble. Also, are you getting a speech impediment? You seem to be slurring more and more.”

“Nah captain. I’m jusht enjoying the park experiensch. You know, havin a good time.”

“Ah okay. Now go tell that colorful fellow that we want to bargain and see if he’ll take the tickets and a resonable amount of credits so I can get that Tribble.”

Scotty quickly returned, a dour look on his face “He said somefin about a grobblek and sahrlak teshtes and I really realy don think that he’sh gonna do the trade.”

This visually disturbed Kirk. “You know what? You know what!? I think he is going to take those tickets and I am going to take that tribble.” He marched over the the misshapen lump of the carny. “Listen mister. I have saved your life and this universe so many times you should basically give me that cute little Tribble. But we are being OH SO FUCKING GENEROUS. Take these tickets and give me that tribble. Or else. What do you say about that.”

~~~~~~

“Captain. I’d say that that was quite-“

“Yes I know Spock. It was quite illogical of me. How would I know that all the carny’s packed plasma weaponry and were willing to fight over one adorable plushy.”

“Well ye shouldn’ have tried to take it inna firsht placsh Captain.”

“You heard the man. He wasn’t going to give it to me.”

“You didn’t have to start stunning children Kirk.”

“They were threats to our survival.”

“Yae know, I really didn’t think they was going to form a mob.”

“You know what. Let’s just forget all about this once we get back to the ship.”

The three of them made their way back barely in one piece to the bigass ship that they arrived in. “Well. That was a fun break.” Kirk said as he went off to the holodeck so he could practice making out with computer space babes.


End file.
